humor Quotes (70)

“If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.”

“Creditors have better memories than debtors.”

“But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

“All would live long, but none would be old.”

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.”

“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.”

“You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.”

“Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.”

“God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.”

“To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself.”

“Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.”

“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.”

“If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world.”

“If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.”

“I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.”

“As Phone get Thinner and smarter, people get fatter and stupider.”

“Life's tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.”

“You're only human. You live once and life is wonderful, so eat the damned red velvet cupcake.”

“There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.”

“That was part of my job to just make fun.”