humor Quotes (70)

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.”

“Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children.”

“After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor.”

“Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.”

“"No comment" is a splendid expression. I am using it again and again.”

“The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on a woman.”

“I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”

“I believe in benevolent dictatorship, provided I am the dictator.”

“Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife.”

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”

“A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for money and requests a loan.”

“Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.”

“Advice is the only commodity on the market where the supply always exceeds the demand.”

“The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.”

“Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.”

“Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.”

“Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege.”

“I find that nonsense, at times, is singularly refreshing.”

“If you can't be kind, at least be vague.”

“Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.”

“Finance is the art of passing currency from hand to hand until it finally disappears.”

“Laughter can help relieve tension in even the heaviest of matters.”

“Marriage is a three ring circus; engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.”

“People read me but they don't subscribe.”

“My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.”

“I am a bear of very little brain, and long words bother me.”

“Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter.”

“If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.”

“He who laughs, lasts!”

“Laughter is inner jogging.”

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”

“Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.”

“I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world.”

“You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.”

“If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.”

“To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!”

“You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.”

“Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.”

“The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.”

“What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?”

“Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.”

“One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.”

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”

“Total absence of humor renders life impossible.”

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

“Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.”

“Laughter is by definition healthy.”

“To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.”

“Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.”