humor Quotes (31)

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“Wrinkles are hereditary. Parents get them from their children.”

“After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor.”

“"No comment" is a splendid expression. I am using it again and again.”

“I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”

“I believe in benevolent dictatorship, provided I am the dictator.”

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”

“A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for money and requests a loan.”

“Advice is the only commodity on the market where the supply always exceeds the demand.”

“Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.”

“Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.”

“Everyone has a right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege.”

“I find that nonsense, at times, is singularly refreshing.”

“Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion.”

“Marriage is a three ring circus; engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.”

“People read me but they don't subscribe.”

“My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.”

“Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can.”

“The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.”

“You cannot be mad at somebody who makes you laugh - it's as simple as that.”

“Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.”

“One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.”

“Total absence of humor renders life impossible.”

“In the end, everything is a gag.”

“All cats are gray in the dark.”

“Old boys have their playthings as well as young ones; the difference is only in the price.”

“I am in the prime of senility.”

“God heals, and the doctor takes the fees.”

“Fish and visitors smell in three days.”

“Success is a lot like a bright white tuxedo.”

“Alright, alright, alright.”